The Shoot
by seattlecsifan
Summary: A satirical ball of fluff with way too many inside jokes, all about a GSR music video shoot gone wrong.


Hey, seems between the LiveJournal gldfloodauction, and my friend JellyBeanChiChi's suggestion about raising some serious money I found a story!

Thanks to all of my friends for being an inspiration to me.

And special thanks to CSIGeekFan for being my beta & adding quite a few flourishes here and there as well as embellishing the caricature of myself.

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** The Shoot**

As the romantic power ballad reached its crescendo, Grissom leaned in for the penultimate kiss, only to crash his nose into Sara's forehead like a teenager on his first date.

"Who the hell wrote this garbage?" Dashing actor William Petersen bellowed, casting an angry glare around the sound stage as he straightened to his impressive, and seemingly taller, five foot ten inch height.

"Ummm...sorry, Mr. Petersen," mega-GSR fan SeattleCSIFan replied. "I usually take care of everything myself when I do a GSR vid, but since this one is to raise money for charity, and, well my friend said she'd give $500 to be in a vid with you, I let her in on it." The chagrined fan waved off to the side - never taking her eyes off the hunk in front of her, adding, "She's right over there if you want to yell at her, too."

"Hmmm...a charity you say? What charity would that be?" Mr. Petersen smoothly asked as he expertly arranged his face to appear deep in thought.

At his apparent interest, Seattle swiped at the drool that had begun to form at the corner of her mouth, drew herself upright, and got down to business. After all, Mr. Petersen... Billy... couldn't help but be impressed with a director as adept as she.

"It's a LiveJournal thing to raise money for aid to Australian flood victims, qldfloodauction. I offered to auction off a fanfic and a music video...and, well, this is the music video," Seattle replied, pimping the fundraiser mercilessly.

"Well, charities are a great way to get free publicity, you know," he murmured, running his hand down Seattle's arm, picking up her hand, and placing a gentlemanly kiss on the back of her fingers. "We just might be able to make this work. Could you please introduce me to your friend?"

"Of course, Mr. Petersen, right away." Seattle sighed as she scurried away, returning in seconds with her friend in tow.

"Mr. Petersen, this is JellyBeanChiChi. JellyBean, Mr. Petersen." Seattle slowly backed away after the introductions, trying to hide from any possible tantrums that might erupt from the incredibly virile Mr. Petersen once JellyBean began to fawn over him. Still harboring the faint hope of someday bagging the actor, Seattle wanted to make damned sure she stayed on his good side.

Turning on the charm, the handsome actor smiled at the speechless fanfic writer. "You're THE JellyBeanChiChi?" he asked. Moving in, he picked up her hand, pulling the same suave, finger-kiss move he'd used on Seattle, before huskily adding, "I love your work. But aren't you best known for your comedy?"

JellyBean sighed, wondering how she could get the man to kiss something other than her hand.

"Well yes, Mr. Petersen," she replied. When he continued to look at her expectantly, she stammered, "I'll admit that I suck at writing smut, unlike some of my esteemed fanfic writing friends, but I figure this is the best chance I'll ever have of actually touching you. So I thought maybe I could fake it...it is, after all, only sex"

With a twinkle in his eye, Mr. Petersen leaned in close enough that JellyBean could smell his musky scent and murmured into the starstruck writer's ear, "Well JellyBean, maybe you just need the proper _inspiration_." He threw in a theatrical pause, before adding, "Writing must be a lot like method acting...you just have to be able to envision what the character is feeling, and why. Do you want to envision this, honey?"

"Oh yes, Mr. Petersen," she breathily replied, wondering if someone had turned up the thermostat. JellyBean felt like every nerve was on fire, but somehow she found her voice. "Maybe if I knew what it was like to actually kiss you I could write better smut. You know, it would be like research." JellyBean now looked far from nervous. She could feel the studly actor 's warm breath caressing her earlobe as he began to nuzzle her neck with his whiskery cheek.

Just then a resounding shriek broke the moment. From across the stage, another brunette fanfiction author struck the pose of a southern belle and yelled, "Just one godammed minute, JellyBean! I want a recount on the bidding for this video. I'm sure I bid more than you did." An enraged Chauncey came charging across the floor to stand toe-to-toe with her friend.

"Chauncey! What are you doing here!" A now tearful JellyBean shouted back.

"You know I write the best GSR smut of all, _**I**_ should be the one working on this video...and I bid $501 just so I could prove it!" a nearly hysterical Chauncey shouted. Everyone watched with impressed amazement as the newcomer simultaneously glowered at JellyBean, while simpering at Mr. Petersen.

"Now wait just a minute," Seattle indignantly interjected into the discussion. "Nobody can use the word tumescent, like I do. AND I was nominated for an award once. So there. He should be MINE...I mean, I should be the one to write this video."

By now Mr. Petersen was looking worried and trying to back away from the group of shouting fangirls unnoticed. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard a stern, authoritarian (and yet somehow motherly) voice behind him ask, "And what about me? What am I, chopped liver? Pffttt, Seattle, your tumescents are _nothing _compared to my ensconceds."

CSIGeekFan had entered the soundstage from behind the much lusted-after Mr. Petersen, and was advancing steadily toward a worried Seattle, who had heard plenty of horror stories about her friend's infamous temper.

Suddenly, from a doorway at the far end of the soundstage came a small voice with a definite Australian twang, "Girls, girls, girls...what about all the poor drowning kangaroos and little Aussie children that are being forced to eat toast without Vegemite? I think to properly illustrate that this video is to raise money for _Australian_ flood relief, an _Australian _fanfic writer should be involved," SoS5-16 firmly declared, as she waded into the thick of the fracas.

"Listen," the ever-calm Seattle said, as always the voice of reason. "Maybe we can declare a truce and all work on this together. Do you think if we all took turns ensconcing ourselves on Mr. Petersen's tumescent manhood we could be inspired enough to write the smuttiest GSR story ever and to make it into an award winning GSR music vid?"

Suddenly, the argument that had begun to devolve into hair pulling between JellyBean and Chauncey stopped. With their respective fists full of hair, those two turned toward Seattle and gave her an incredulous look, while Geek and SoS began to wonder when their even-keeled friend had lost her mind. All hell broke loose three-point-seven seconds later in a storm of shouts, eye rolls, and foot stomping.

Unfortunately for all, when the truly hunky Mr. Petersen fled for his life, the door slamming behind him went unnoticed, being effectively drowned out by the squealing pack of fan girls.

And thus, the opportunity to write the smuttiest GSR fanfic ever was lost, and the incomaparable writing team was aborted before it even had a chance to bloom. Who knows if mankind will ever see a fanfic that effectively uses both tumescent & ensconced at the same time.

One thing is sure, JellyBeanChiChi is _never _gonna pony up $500 for _this_.


End file.
